Questioning Authority

Yesterday Skyler began to ask “Why”. It was toward the end of his evening bath, and I had just told him that in a few minutes he would need to get out & dry off.
“Why?” he asked, not a stalling tactic, just curious, looking up at me with wide, blue eyes.
“Well,” I explained, “we need to finish getting ready for bed and we can’t do that when you’re all wet.”
“Why get ready for bed?” Sky countered, frowning slightly.
“Your body is tired,” I responded, “and Mama is tired too, so we both need to rest.” Satisfied, he went back to ‘swimmin’ in the tub. He seems young to me to be embarking on this quest for answers, that I know will continue for years, that at times will be exasperating. For now, though, I am celebrating my son’s need to know WHY things are the way they are.

Of course, he has been using other question words for some time. Current favorites include “HOW”, as in “How to do it, Mama”, while trying to tie his sneakers, or unwrap a package, or put on a band-aid. “How to open it? How to tie it? How to do it, Mama?” Another favorite is the question “WHO”. “Who is coming today? Who that person? Who Mama Skyler go see?” (Note that Mama-Skyler is one word, let no and put asunder). WHERE is also very present in Sky’s vocabulary, as in “Where Skyler goin’? Where is Skyler’s phone,” and the all-important “Where is Mama?”

And then there’s “WHAT”. WHAT has been around for a while, “What Mama doin’?”, or even “What Skyler doin’?” However, WHAT has recently reached a previously unknown prominence by becoming part of the sentence: “What it called?” Sky has discovered that everything has a name and that names have power. He wants to know: “What that person called?” (Mama doesn’t know), “What that thing touching Skyler’s shoe called?” (An ant). During his bath (many important conversations happen in the bath) the other night, Sky discovered that something was dangling between his legs other than his penis (which he has been VERY aware of since he first figured out how to grab hold). With a look of amazed surprise, he pulled his penis out of the way and asked, “What that part called?” Erik was rolled in a ball, trying to hide his laughter, for we all know that one doesn’t laugh at a young man while he’s discussing his genitalia, but I was able to keep a somewhat straight face. “That part,” I answered, “is called your scrotum”. “Skyler’s scrotum,” Sky said, seeming satisfied. Of course he pronounced his words “Schylurs totem”, which sent Erik back into his ball of laughter again.

Skyler’s questions, although they are sometimes inconvenient, thrill me. His questions make me slow down and think about this particular moment in our day. How does one tie a shoe? Who is that person standing over there, that person I hadn’t noticed until Sky pointed her out to me? What are Mama and Skyler doing? What is that thing called? I have to stop, pay attention, notice, and be present. I am thrilled by Sky’s questions, by this new stage in his development, and am even more excited by his beginning to ask WHY. The question WHY moves us away from the concrete worlds of Who, What, Where & How, into the reason for the way things are. WHY makes me questions myself, my reasons for the behavior I expect from Sky, my reasons for the requests I make of him, and my reasons for the choices I make as a parent. WHY is the beginning of questioning authority, and the punk-rocker with died black hair and spikes and lots of attitude that still lives inside me yells “fuck yes!” when Sky asks me, “Why Mama?”

WHY also speaks to the beginning for a search for meaning, a way to make sense out of the world. I feel honored and humbled to be Skyler’s primary guide on this journey. I am also more than a little freaked out that I am now the authority that is being questioned. Mostly though, I am thankful that I have an opportunity to teach my magical child the things I think are important: reverence for nature (why we don’t peel the bark from trees), compassion (why we don’t hit the kitties), sharing feelings (why Mama was crying), spirituality (why we say blessings at dinner, say a prayer to the moon, chant Om), and independent thought (why Mama likes it when Skyler asks why). I hope that some of my beliefs, although tempered and tested by growing up, become Skyler’s beliefs as well. I hope (but do not expect) that he becomes even more ecologically conscious than I am, that he embraces his compassionate nature, that he shares his feelings, that his spiritual practice is strong. But most of all I hope that, for the rest of his life, he continues to ask why.